Gaffers

[gailr]

With a nod to Stargzer, who suggested the thread be titled gaffs, I'm going with gaffers, used here in the sense of people who "light" our lives through their malapropisms and idioms gone wrong. Any written or spoken fax pas is fare game.

Excellent examples on the Throes thread, skinem!


My old boss used to proudly point to his "conceited efforts" at all department meetings, until someone finally snapped and clued him in. (NB: it wasn't me.)

A coworker there was always eager to "nip in the butt" any suspicious activity.

Another disapproved of all the "mellow drama" in the work place.


Eye have throne down the gauntlet and no it's not in vane; yule awl meet the challenge.
-gailr

[skinem]

The following was copied from the "Throes" thread for a more appropriate area of th forum...
These are from a former boss of mine...

My favorite was the repeated phrase "It's all just done with smoking mirrors."
Tough to keep a straight face in meetings...

He suffered from a "hianal" hernia...(insert own joke--)

He also suffered from a slipped "dist"...

At hotels he'd call for the "coneseer"...

"Sqwuezed" instead of squeezed...

To continue a thought or to add to something, always in this order..."Also, too, as well..."

Numeratical-repeatedly said it this way.

Alphacabetical--repeatedly said it.

If any of the above were meant in a humorous way (???) there was never an indication. He was very consistent in these, these weren't slips of the toungue..unfortunatley.
This was a man with a doctorate who didn't last long in his post.

More will come to me as I think about it. Yes, there were more. We used to call him Mr. Malaprop...if he had a sense of humor or humility I might have said something to him, or joked with him about it, but, alas and alak, least sense of humor of any boss I've had.

[skinem]

A couple of others from the same individual...(note I've said FORMER boss!)

Discussing a colleagues "gasket" bypass surgery...

The individual ate "lagoons"...

Was very "adeft" at things they did well...

...also wanted "indeft" reports.

[Bailey]

My all-time favorite is "For All intensive purposes" and of course "Duck tape" said so often that there is now a brand called that. Depth is a difficult word for some, I hear dep (or deaf) all the time.

mark

[gailr]

My home town newspaper once printed the names of people cited over the weekend for "excessive nose".

The local paper back in WI printed a disturbing story about a young man who stabbed his mother in her "corroded artery".

Here in Colorado I've found that some people are concerned about "easedropping".

-gailr

[Bailey]

Oh well if we are doing typos how about:

My home town newspaper once printed the names of people cited over the weekend weekend for "excessive nose".

and Along these lines

Numeratical-repeatedly said it this way.

Alphacabetical--repeatedly said it.

I've heard; even as a child said 'chronocological'

mark

[skinem]

When we lived in Hermiston, OR, the local Safeway (a grocery store chain) was refurbished--new signs, shelves, etc. After it reopened, my wife and I went in at separate times and both noticed on the very nice, new aisle signs (the ones that tell you what's on that aisle) Headache, Toothpaste, INCONTINENTS. We both told the manager, whom we knew slightly. He seemed unimpressed.
We moved a year later. Five years later we visited friends in Hermiston and stopped in at the Safeway. The sign is still there. Amazing. They may as well put a sign up that says, "Not only are we ignorant, we don't care."
(This is the same region, where as a principal at an un-named school district, presenting the next school year's high school class schedule, the school board chair said "Why the hell are we teaching calculus? All these kids here are going to need to know how to do is count cows." The next week I began applying elsewhere. And those folks thought because I had a southern accent I was from an ignorant area!)

[Bailey]

an example of a good Malapropism is: guy wire said "Guide wire" which is a whole 'nother animal, but I hear is wrong so often I have to stop and think before I say it correctly, yes, I know if I weren't so old I'd not have to stop and think.


Mark

[gailr]

guy wire said "Guide wire"

But do they "tow the line" with said wire?
-gailr

[Bailey]

Gosh! Let's hope not, movement is not advised with guys, and indeed their whole purpose, but maybe the tow is related to the undertoad*?

mark
*The World according to Garp.

[skinem]

Heard this today...

"We have 3 kinds of flu to look out for now. The common flu, the bird flu, and the pandemic."
Sigh. I haven't to broaden my circles...

[skinem]

Heard on Michael Feldman's Whadaya Know on NPR today...

Feldman--"So, did you have a hookah there?"
Audience member--"No, I never saw her."

Of course, Feldman went with it...

[Bailey]

Overheard at the store today, a young lady with impossibly arched eyebrows came into the store saying, "Well she's not the brightest crayon in the box."
I kid you not!
The rest of her speech ran along these lines, "So, I said like Whatever....."

I'm sure I'll be reminded of this the next time someone thinks I sound imperious or supercilious. And I already know who'll do the reminding.

mark

[sluggo]

Overheard at the store today, a young lady with impossibly arched eyebrows came into the store saying, "Well she's not the brightest crayon in the box."
I kid you not!
The rest of her speech ran along these lines, "So, I said like Whatever....."

I'm sure I'll be reminded of this the next time someone thinks I sound imperious or supercilious. And I already know who'll do the reminding.

mark

I like that mix Next time I'm going to drop "not the sharpest bulb in the light tower" and see if anyone calls it.

[sluggo]

Heard this today...

"We have 3 kinds of flu to look out for now. The common flu, the bird flu, and the pandemic."
Sigh. I haven't to broaden my circles...

And not just bird flu but avian flu too. Don't you get that from bottled spring water?