I came late to this thread.
Gaffer means an old man. I am a geezer and a gaffer.
In the spirit of the theme of this thread, some of the examples are malapropisms. The word comes from the name Mrs. Malaprop, given an old woman in a play (“She Stoops to Conquer” by Oliver Goldsmith) who was prone to it, much as Mr. Spooner was prone to spoonerisms.
In my family we love malapropisms and create them for the effect. Frequently they go unnoticed because the listener is not listening critically enough.
Here are a few of my favorites:
“Your idea is ingenuous.” I thought this one up myself. I am either insulting the person or do not know that the correct word is ingenious.
My Aunt Vesta delighted is saying. “Please turn on the osculating fan.” She meant the “oscillating fan”. Osculate means to kiss.
When my brother had his prostate removed he said he was “impertinent”, and “incompetent”. Figure it out for yourself.
I may have mentioned this one before, but at a now-defunct drugstore, there was a stack of those consumer medical mags on the counter, and the full-page ad on the inside front page made prominent mention of the "oath of Hypocrites."
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