www.alphadictionary.com

Ellipses!? Why, I wouldn't know what you're talking about.

Thanks for the welcome back, Sluggo. Good to have been skinned, or missed, or just to have been...

Signs of life at last! Huzzah!

Signs of life at last! Huzzah!

The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, or something like that.

Glad to "see" you Perry. Hope all is well.

A veterinarian was also an amateur geneticist. One day, one of his experiments paid off. He successfully combined the DNA of a cantaloupe with that of a dog. The result was a small, round dog with orange-tinted fur.
For many years, the dog was happy. But over time, he became lethargic and morose. The vet tried everything to cure the dog's depression. Eventually, he decided to take the dog to a pet psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told the veterinarian not to worry. The dog was just a little melon collie.

There was a young woman who kept trying to elope with her boyfriend. Fortunately, the woman's mother always caught her in the nick of time. The daughter tried to elope more than 20 times. So, she soon became desperate. One day she read about an animal activist. The activist would paint bulls to camouflage them. He would then let them escape. The girl called up the activist and asked for his help. However, he refused, saying, “I stain bulls, not constant elopers.”

The dog was just a little melon collie.

Loved this one! Don't get the next one, though. I do be missing something.

Are you making these up yourself? Or are you finding them someplace? I thought I'd seen them all over the years, but some are new.

Slava- this may help decipher that last.

Thank you, Sluggo!

Slava, some of both.
I'm warped that way.

Both were good'uns. I did get the second one without Sluggo's hint. I did enjoy visiting his link afterwards.

A man went to a Caribbean island on vacation. He soon learned that the island was home to Norman, a marauding hedgehog. Together with a giant shark named Celeste, he terrorized the island. One day, the man went to the beach to surf or jog. He noticed a palm tree that was almost completely devoured. He asked a native if it was Norman's or Celeste's work. The native asked why it mattered. The man replied, "If Norman ate it, I will not run. If Celeste did, I will not surf."

Not original, but worth a shot:

Good King Wenceslas called to order a pizza. As it was his favorite shop, they knew him and asked, "The usual sire? Deep pan, crisp and even?"

A man went to a Caribbean island on vacation. He soon learned that the island was home to Norman, a marauding hedgehog. Together with a giant shark named Celeste, he terrorized the island. One day, the man went to the beach to surf or jog. He noticed a palm tree that was almost completely devoured. He asked a native if it was Norman's or Celeste's work. The native asked why it mattered. The man replied, "If Norman ate it, I will not run. If Celeste did, I will not surf."

Ok thanks LBJ.

B. your puns are for those of us who aren't still considered [by anyone] to be young any more, heh heh

Ok thanks LBJ.

"LBJ"?
Isn't that Bill Clinton's name in Spanish?

Wailcome back Belly

Ok thanks LBJ.

"LBJ"?
Isn't that Bill Clinton's name in Spanish?

Wailcome back Belly

I believe so. But spelled differently
B.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE NORTHERN LIGHTS?
A Texan and his girlfriend decided to go see the northern lights. They drove north into Canada as far as the road would go. They parked their car in a field and waited for the lights to start. Soon, the sky lit up with the amazing northern lights. The man got out of the car to get a better look. He was so excited by the lights that he was jumping up and down. His girlfriend sat in the car reading a magazine. He was astonished. He asked her, "What's the matter? Does the aurora bore ya, Alice?"