how various publications might announce end of the world

[Bailey]

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

Sun: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

mark hiding-in-the-bomb-shelter

[Perry]

This is so funny. I like your deadpan delivery. I almost expired from laughter.

[Bailey]

Oh dear, I don't want you to actually die, just the whole earth.

mark dead-to-the-world Bailey

[sluggo]

This is so funny. I like your deadpan delivery. I almost expired from laughter.

Don't do that, we'd have to renew you.

[Stargzer]

Sun: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

Note to Sunny: Possible Coffee Snorting Alert Ahead.



Oh, Unix, not Eunuchs. My first thought at seeing the word "Sun" was that the editors of The Baltimore Sun newspaper would probably blame the end of the world on our current governor, a Republican. Das Kapital, I mean, The Capital (in Annapolis) would blame his likely opponent, the mayor of Baltimore, a Democrat.