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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Apr 18, 2009 11:47 am

The world expert on European wasps was strolling past a record shop. A sign caught his eye: "New Album - Wasps of the World!" The man asked to hear the album and was given headphones. Three minutes later, he announced, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognize none of those." The clerk offered to play another track. And another. And another. Still, the expert did not hear sounds he recognized. Suddenly, the clerk realized his mistake. "I'm really sorry," he said. "I was playing you the bee side."
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Re: Saturday

Postby Slava » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:22 am

skinem wrote:"I was playing you the bee side."

Shall we play the ghostly snake side for puns?
Life is like playing chess with chessmen who each have thoughts and feelings and motives of their own.
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Postby Perry » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:06 am

Suddenly, the clerk realized his mistake. "I'm really sorry," he said. "I was playing you the bee side."


His cheeks must have stung from embarassment.
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. Lately it hasn't been working."
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Postby brianamorgan » Mon Aug 31, 2009 11:53 pm

That was funny! :D
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Postby Stargzer » Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:30 am

brianamorgan wrote:That was funny! :D


AHA! You have mastered the understanding of The Pun! You will fit in well here with this band of linguistic miscreants!
Regards//Larry

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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:45 am

A professor was teaching an introductory anatomy class. One day, he announced, "Today I will be lecturing on the contents of the abdomen. We will take a close look at the liver, pancreas, spleen, duodenum, jejunum, kidneys, ileum, adrenal glands and other structures." Just then, a student shouted, "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an organ recital!"
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Postby Stargzer » Sat Dec 12, 2009 11:21 pm

I can't believe you had the guts to tell that one.
Regards//Larry

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-- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee
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Postby Slava » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:04 am

Stargzer wrote:I can't believe you had the guts to tell that one.
I surely would not have had the intestinal fortitude.
Life is like playing chess with chessmen who each have thoughts and feelings and motives of their own.
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Postby skinem » Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:57 am

Stargzer wrote:I can't believe you had the guts to tell that one.


Ah, it's easy if you have enough heart!
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:34 pm

A man was married and happy, but he had one complaint. His wife was always nursing sick birds. One day, he came home to find a robin coughing in the living room. In the dining room, a bluebird had its wing in a sling. He went to the kitchen, where he found his wife cuddling a half-frozen bird. "We've got to get these #*@#! birds out of here," he yelled. Replied his wife, "Please, dear, no bad language in front of the chilled wren."
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Postby Perry » Sun Dec 27, 2009 11:53 pm

That was a joke worthy of the great Heckle and Jeckle.
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:58 pm

A sailor was caught as he tried to sneak aboard his ship at 3 a.m. The officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning, or it's the brig for you!" As the sailor began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor picked the tern off and tossed it aside. The bird returned to the broom handle, and was once again tossed aside. Through the night, the bird and sailor continued their struggle. At dawn, the officer returned. "What in the heck have you been doing all night?" he barked. "This chain is no cleaner than when you started!" "Honest, sir," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
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Re: Saturday

Postby Slava » Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:10 am

skinem wrote:"I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
Does this make him a tosser?
Life is like playing chess with chessmen who each have thoughts and feelings and motives of their own.
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Saturday +1

Postby skinem » Sun Jan 10, 2010 4:01 pm

A clown moved into an apartment building for circus performers. He was quite happy with the apartment. But he had one complaint: There was no ironing board. The clown called the building superintendent to ask for an ironing board. The superintendent refused to provide one. "But, the acrobats and the lion tamers all have ironing boards," said the clown. "You'll have to use the window ledge," said the superintendent. "It's in your lease. Every clown has a sill for ironing."
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Jan 16, 2010 8:34 am

Assyria had been at war with the Hittites for years. And king Ozymandias was low on cash. But he had one valuable possession left. It was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond of the ancient world. He decided to take it to the pawnbroker for a loan. The pawnbroker offered Ozymandias 100,000 dinars. Ozymandias was deeply offended, "I paid a million dinars for it. Don't you know that I'm the king?" The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, it makes no difference who you are."
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