Pun Times

[sluggo]

....This was when I accepted that I am a city girl, despite my breeding. I do not have what it takes to live in the wilderness with nothing but a bottle of tequila and a pair of pliers.

What? You need a glass??

[Bailey]

Did it escape your notice that I recounted virtually the same joke on page 2 of this thread?

Perry not-upset-but-wanting-to-keep-the-record-straight Dror

no, sorry, if Idda noticed Idda not posted it. again, I'm sorry I stomped yer joke.

mark hanging-head Bailey

[Bailey]

....This was when I accepted that I am a city girl, despite my breeding. I do not have what it takes to live in the wilderness with nothing but a bottle of tequila and a pair of pliers.

this is exactly what's wrong with this country, no more adventerous spirit.

mark disappointed Bailey

[skinem]

A handyman had a dog named Mace. Mace was a good dog, but he had a strange quirk. He liked to eat grass – lots of it. One day the handyman was working outside. Much to his dismay, he lost his favorite wrench in some tall grass. After looking for a while, he had to give up because it was getting dark. The next morning, he decided to go look for the wrench again. He found Mace had eaten the grass where he was working. The wrench was now in plain sight. So the handyman called the dog over and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."

[Bailey]

Grooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn.

mark good-one-skinny

[sluggo]

... "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."

--rings to mind a past-posted parody pulled from the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism):

A grazing mace, how sweet the sound
that smote my foe for me
I bashed his head, he struck the grounded
and thus came victory

....etc

-(Thanks be to Gailr and her torrential treasure trove of tongue-twisted tomfoolery for the original post)
(or should that be Gailarrrr! in the post- Pirate Palaver Period?)

[Bailey]

Where is Gailr?

mark keeps-track Bailey

[Bailey]

not a pun, sorry, but I hope you'll like it.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle, named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's that dang monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of the story...

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullship and brilliance only come with age and experience.

mark sometimes-the leopard-sometimes-the-poodle Bailey

[skinem]

Two elderly vultures realized they couldn't fly south for the winter. So they decided to take an airplane instead. As they were checking their bags at the airport, the attendant noticed they were carrying dead raccoons. The attendant asked if they would like to check the raccoons. One of the vultures replied, "No thanks. They're carrion."

[Bailey]

OH NO! that's bad.

Mark still-laughing Bailey

[Perry]

OH NO! that's bad.

Mark still-laughing Bailey

So bad that it's good

[gailr]

Excellent, skinem!
Hmmm, were those racoons in clear, one-quart, zip-loc plastic bags?

Bailey, good joke! I bet your protagonist looked like this when he was just a pup.

-gailr

[skinem]

Seems like farmer hen, was going to enter some of her pigs in a beauty contest at the county fair. Unfortunately, the pigs over did it in the makeup department that day. Too much lip gloss, too much eye shadow, and two much nose powder. The hen was furious that she didn't win the grand prize, but rather than wallow in her misery, she sold them all to the ostrich that lived next door. The big sale was later referred to as The Hen's Hussy Ham Hawk.

[Bailey]

I don't get it.

mark not-getting-much-these-days Bailey

[sluggo]

I don't get it.

mark not-getting-much-these-days Bailey

thought it wuz me- I don't either