google's new soft drinks

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google's new soft drinks

Postby KatyBr » Fri Apr 01, 2005 2:08 pm

to confirm this go to slide your cursor down to Google gulp, and click!

Quench your thirst for knowledge.

At Google our mission is to organize the world's information and make it useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information's usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who's using it. That's why we're pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of "smart drinks" designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.

Think fruity. Think refreshing.
Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it's low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you'll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.

From forest to freezer: A Google Gulp history

It is estimated that nearly half of Planet Earth's plant and animal species live in tropical rain forests, the vast majority of them undiscovered by humans and therefore not yet subjected to commercial exploitation. For Google, this cornucopia of undigitized data represented an irresistible acquisition target. So, for the past two years, as his 20% project, VP of operations Urs Hoelzle has spent one day a week collecting flora samples in several Bolivian sub-equatorial rain forests. For the most part, the compounds he returned with were nothing special – the usual grab-bag of future steroids, muscle relaxants, skin care appliqués and long-shot cancer drugs.

But on July 11th, 2003, while gathering epiphyte samples in the upper canopy of a kapok tree in the forbidding Cordillera Apolobamba range on the Bolivian/Peruvian border, Hoelzle snagged a leaf from what turned out to be a previously unknown species of strangler fig. Back in the Google Labs, early DNA sequencing and protein synthesis revealed that the compound – informally dubbed Ursa Major within the Googleplex – had certain remarkable biochemical capabilities. Eighteen months' worth of patent applications, trademark inquiries, budget prioritization and Phase II trials later, Hoelzle's intrepid adventuring finds fulfillment in a beverage aisle near you.

Chemical structure for "Ursa Major"

Here in the states it's April fools day, so be warned....


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Location: A place to cross the river Thames with your Oxen

Postby Garzo » Sat Apr 02, 2005 12:12 pm

I think my favourite part was the small print:
Google Gulp and Your Privacy
From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp's usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex™, a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear. See our Privacy Policy.

On another, but extant, tack, Gmail is Google's webmail that seems to be quite good: 2 Gb storage, POP client download, Atom feed...

Gmail has been going for a year, but it's still invitation only and new features are being added every week. It certainly beats hotmail and yahoo mail.

If any of the agorans out there would like to try out Gmail, send an e-mail to [url][/url], and I shall send you an invite. It's first come, first served.

-- Garzo.
"Poetry is that which gets lost in translation" — Robert Frost

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Postby KatyBr » Sat Apr 02, 2005 2:03 pm

I also have about 42 invites left so if you want one write to I'm less than excited about it, but I guess some would find it wonderful, it's far and away better than Yahoo and hotmail.

I was hoping someone would check out the small print on the google gulps.

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Postby tcward » Sat Apr 02, 2005 10:20 pm

I think I may have 50 invitations left as well... Seems we have an abundance!

So if anyone would like an invitation to Gmail from me, send request to


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Postby KatyBr » Sat Apr 02, 2005 11:12 pm

it seems the invites are going begging.

oh well, I like mine, it automatically picked up my addressbook.


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