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Christmas Newsletters

Postby Bailey » Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:05 pm

Now for something new and different, As you know this is the season to receive those annoying Christmas newsletters, "Aunt Harriet died and left us millions" ... "Our fall holiday found us in Greece"..."We had our third set of quintuplets this year"..."Bobby learned his ABC's this year"... I want to see which can bring us the funniest one. It can be your choice as to whether it'll be the obvious exaggerations or the crazy things people seem to need to share, I'm anxious to see what kinds of friend's y'all have, everyone is eligible.
There will be prizes, we'll throw confetti, we'll all scream Huzzah! Great food and drink will be enjoyed by all. There wil be a Door prize also ['74 Pinto front driver's pumpkin orange of course].

mark tis-the-season Bailey

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Make the most of it...
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Re: Christmas Newsletters

Postby Stargzer » Sun Dec 10, 2006 10:19 pm

Bailey wrote:...There wil be a Door prize also ['74 Pinto front driver's pumpkin orange of course].

mark tis-the-season Bailey


Is that the sedan or the station wagon? We used to have a dark blue wagon with woodgrain vinyl. Tough little car. Piss-poor gas economy until a shade-tree mechanic "fixed" the emissions system. It still passed the emissions inspection after that. And a friend and I spent a week traveling to Toronto and Montréal in his lime green sedan. I found out how fast that rack-and-pinion steering reacted when you made a high-speed panic stop. We survived. :wink:
Regards//Larry

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them."
-- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee
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Postby Bailey » Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:48 am

sedan, mine was a sedan pumpkin in color and the best car I ever had, I still miss it. When I gave it away it had a new battery, new wheels and tires, and ignition system. Sure it had a tiny hole in the fuel tank but I plugged it with putty and I got 50 miles to the gallon in the mountains, it was 24 years old when I bought it and it was sweet.

mark miss-my-favorite-car Bailey

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Postby gailr » Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:29 pm

gr dodges and darts into traffic to go back...on topic.

An aunt--of sorts--disburses relentless, uber-cheerful Christmas Newsletters. These tidings (written in the third person so that no-one can actually be held accountable) cover both sides of the page as densely as contract boilerplate, leaving the reader similarly dazed.

(I used to wonder what the kids' resumes looked like...)

I never reciprocated because, frankly, there were no achievements left for me to aspire to. :wink: Eventually, I was pruned off their list, although I have to admit that I kind of miss reading about them.

(I wonder how a David Lynch art-house film based on one of these would play...)

-gailr
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Postby Bailey » Mon Dec 11, 2006 10:04 pm

OK, I'll admit it my newsletter mentioned my failing business and how I used the inheritance from my mother's death to fix up my '92 Geo Metro. I sent it to people who told me their children's appointments to cabinet posts or was it an ambassadorship in Great Britain? And buying new motor homes. I made a mention of our 'vacation' [to Missouri to visit my spouse's ailing mother, while theirs went into paroxysms on their trip to Saturn's third ring.

I just wondered if anyone else wrote "downer" newsletters?

mark I'm-a-ba-a-d-boy Bailey

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Postby Palewriter » Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:28 pm

A work colleague gets an annual epistle from some distant relative or other. It's always filled with the most dire kind of stuff:

"Young Bubba is out on probation again...Maybelle's daughter and six grandchildren moved back home; they're living in the dining-room and sleeping on piles of old, damp newspapers...Jake's truck finally blew up, taking his eyebrows and his left leg with it...Aunt Geneveve is praying for the soul of Uncle Soupy, whose 25-year sentence for aggravated child abuse started in September...Grandpa Jones took off for Vegas with that little waitress from the Y'all-Set-A-Spell Diner and Collectibles Shoppe..."

Makes you proud to be a Godfearin' 'merican, dunnit?

:)

-- PW
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention to arrive safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: Wow!!! What a ride!"
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Postby sluggo » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:38 pm

Palewriter wrote:A work colleague gets an annual epistle from some distant relative or other. It's always filled with the most dire kind of stuff:

"Young Bubba is out on probation again...Maybelle's daughter and six grandchildren moved back home; they're living in the dining-room and sleeping on piles of old, damp newspapers...Jake's truck finally blew up, taking his eyebrows and his left leg with it...Aunt Geneveve is praying for the soul of Uncle Soupy, whose 25-year sentence for aggravated child abuse started in September...Grandpa Jones took off for Vegas with that little waitress from the Y'all-Set-A-Spell Diner and Collectibles Shoppe..."

Makes you proud to be a Godfearin' 'merican, dunnit?

:)

-- PW


I just wanna know what sort of position Jake was in to sustain such an injury... :!:
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Postby Bailey » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:43 pm

that's what I was looking for PW, just such missives.

mark curiouser Bailey

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Postby gailr » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:59 am

sluggo wrote:I just wanna know what sort of position Jake was in to sustain such an injury... :!:

Excellent question, sluggo; you've uncovered an egregious error in PW's sample! An actual Holiday Newsletter would'a included all the gory details about the injury, the trip to the emergency room (with, perhaps, a bonus listing of the varmints wrapped around the tires enroute), how Jake got the attending nurse's phone number and a pity date, the subsequent fracas with the HMO and which guage shotgun shell resolved the issue, the funny pranks ol' Jake can now pull at Halloween with his prosthetic leg...

Thanks for the newsletter starter, PW.

-gailr
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