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Kinda Like Saturday

Postby skinem » Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:38 pm

A group of dentists decided to set up a new surgery. Since competition in their area was quite fierce, they wanted their new business to have something unique about it. After much thought, they decided to set up shop on board a boat, moored on the banks of the river. As an added bonus, they also offered river crossings in the boat, with the dentistry work being performed during the crossing. The business quickly became known as the Tooth Ferry.
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:17 pm

No Groaning Please!

A mime had a show to put on in front of a large audience. Unfortunately, he developed a bad cough the day before his show. This simply wouldn't do for the mime. So, he went to the local health food store and asked for something for his cough. The clerk suggested that he make thyme tea and put a cinnamon stick in it. Surprisingly, the concoction worked. Hence the expression, "a stick in thyme saves mime."
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Saturday II

Postby skinem » Sat Feb 14, 2009 2:00 pm

A short one in honor of Valentine's Day...

A university student fell in love, and dropped out of school to marry her young love. She wrote her parents to say that she had put the heart before the course.
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Re: Saturday II

Postby Perry » Sun Feb 15, 2009 11:59 am

skinem wrote:A short one in honor of Valentine's Day...

A university student fell in love, and dropped out of school to marry her young love. She wrote her parents to say that she had put the heart before the course.


Lovely!
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. Lately it hasn't been working."
Anonymous
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Almost Saturday

Postby skinem » Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:34 am

A veterinarian was also an amateur geneticist. One day, one of his experiments paid off. He successfully combined the DNA of a cantaloupe with that of a dog. The result was a small, round dog with orange-tinted fur.
For many years, the dog was happy. But over time, he became lethargic and morose. The vet tried everything to cure the dog's depression. Eventually, he decided to take the dog to a pet psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told the veterinarian not to worry. The dog was just a little melon collie.
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Postby sluggo » Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:42 am

:roll:
Stop! Murder us not, tonsured rumpots! Knife no one, fink!
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Feb 28, 2009 2:46 pm

A deacon was counting the money in the church's collection plate. He soon noticed a strange thing. Many of the bills were sticking together. When he examined the, he saw that there was no sticky residue. They clung together as if they were held by magnets. So, he decided to show them to the minister. But the minister wasn't impressed. In fact, he said, that situation occurred frequently. "These are the tithes that bind," he explained.
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Postby Stargzer » Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:36 pm

A group of immigrants from Southeast Asia opened a business assembling books for a local printer; they are the Thais that bind.
Regards//Larry

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them."
-- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Mar 07, 2009 1:45 pm

The first violin in the local philharmonic had a friend who played the cello. The friend, who was quite good, wanted to audition for the philharmonic. There was an opening, but auditions were hard to arrange. So he went to the violinist and asked for help. Said his friend, "Don't worry about it. I'll pull some strings."
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From the Bulwer-Lytton Contest

Postby Slava » Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:40 pm

Upon discovering that Miles Black, the famous phrenologist from Yorkshire was going to take up yodeling to lonely goats in Bali, James White decided to balance four planks of wood on a beer keg and call it an abstract work of art in the style of a famous fourteenth-century architect, just going to prove that people will read any old garbage if they think there will be a good pun at the end of it.

Stefan Croker
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Saturday +1

Postby skinem » Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:34 pm

Never said they were funny...

Three men had been fishing in the woods. When they got back to their car, they saw that it was surrounded by three bears. One of the men decided to take charge of the situation. He concluded the best thing to do was anger the bears. That way, they would leave, and the men could get to the car.
"Joe," he said, "You take the little cub on the left with the broken leg. I'll take the other cub with the injured paw and one eye. Bill, you take the one in the middle, the mama bear."
Bill looked at the huge mama bear. "Wait a minute," he said. "That's not fair. You get the little cubs, and I have to deal with a full-grown grizzly bear."
"Now, now, Bill," was the reply. "We all have our bears to cross."
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Postby Stargzer » Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:36 am

Slava wrote:Upon discovering that Miles Black, the famous phrenologist from Yorkshire was going to take up yodeling to lonely goats in Bali, ...

Stefan Croker
Bury, Greater Manchester, UK


Has this man ever considered entering the Bulwer-Lytton writing contest?
Regards//Larry

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them."
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Saturday

Postby skinem » Sat Mar 21, 2009 12:58 pm

One day, a frazzled woman arrived at the airport with an old suitcase. Oddly, the case was made completely of Styrofoam. It was falling apart, so the woman had patched it together with duct tape. A security guard was kind enough to help the woman with her case. As they approached the gate, he asked her why she was using an old Styrofoam suitcase. "Well," she replied, "Even though it may crumble, there's no case like foam."
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Postby Stargzer » Sat Mar 21, 2009 4:28 pm

I think you missed it, Skinny. I think the punch line should've been:

Be it ever so crumbled, there's no case like foam.
Regards//Larry

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them."
-- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee
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Postby Slava » Sat Mar 21, 2009 5:08 pm

There once was a famous advertising cat named Virginia. Like Morris, she appeared in many kinds of ads, especially for cat food, as one might expect. One proposed ad called for her to stroll along the beach, reminiscing about a favorite meal. Having become a bit of a prima donna, she didn't really like the idea of getting dirty, and had her lawyers double-check her contract to see if she could get out of it.

Their answer?

"Sorry, Virginia, there is no sandy clause."
Life is like playing chess with chessmen who each have thoughts and feelings and motives of their own.
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