Pun Times

[Slava]

I could make a costume for my 50-pound Basgle with several large table napkins, but he wouldn't appreciate it, and I don't think I could safely get it on him.

Okay, I had to look that one up. Do they come with cream cheese and lox? I'll take one with sesame seeds.

[Bailey]

Groundhogs are also known as "whistlepigs" because when they are outside their burrows it is common to see one or more individuals standing erect on their hind legs watching for danger. When alarmed, they use a high-pitched whistle to alert the rest of the colony.

Are you sure you're not talking about prairie dogs. they are small and whistle and stand guard, ground hogs are huge lumbering badger-like critters that do not seem to speak at all, at least not those that live in my backyard, but perhaps people in Texas think their tiny cute prairie dogs are AKA
ground hogs.

Prairie dogs

Prairie dogs (Cynomys) are small, burrowing rodents (not actually dogs) native to the grasslands of North America. There are five different species of prairie dogs: black-tailed, white-tailed, Gunnison, Utah, and Mexican prairie dogs. They are a type of ground squirrel. On average, these stout-bodied rodents will grow to be between 30–40 centimetres (12–16 in) long, including the short tail and weigh between 0.5–1.5 kilograms (1–3 lb). They are found in the United States, Canada, and Mexico. In Mexico, prairie dogs are primarily found in the northern states which are the southern end of the great plains: northeastern Sonora, north and northeastern Chihuahua, northern Coahuila, northern Nuevo León, and northern Tamaulipas; in the U.S., they range primarily west of the Mississippi River, though they have also been introduced in a few eastern locales. They will eat all sorts of vegetables and fruits.

ground hogs

The groundhog is the largest sciurid in its geographical range, typically measuring 40 to 65 cm (17 to 26 in) long (including a 15 cm tail) and weighing 2 to 4 kg (4.5 to 9 pounds). In areas with fewer natural predators and large quantities of alfalfa, groundhogs can grow to 80 cm (32 in) and 14 kg (30 lb). Groundhogs are well adapted for digging, with short but powerful limbs and curved, thick claws. Unlike other sciurids, the groundhog's spine is curved, more like that of a mole, and the tail is comparably shorter as well – only about one-fourth of body length. Suited to their temperate habitat, groundhogs are covered with two coats of fur: a dense grey undercoat and a longer coat of banded guard hairs that gives the groundhog its distinctive "frosted" appearance.

If your beagle were the size of a ground hog it would take several table napkins. Whereas a single napkin might suffice for a young prairie dog; not counting the nice full sleeves of course

Slave, Basgles do come with cream cheese, but it's creamy goat cheese, will you take two? They are two for fifty cents.

[Stargzer]

Dudley is a used Basset/Beagle mix as near as anyone can tell that we picked up from a local shelter in September of 2007. He's not the one I'm using as an avatar; that's a Presa Canario puppy we fostered for a week, but yes, that's Dudley on a scent that you hear when his page opens up.

With a touch of autism and ODD and the avocation of a phlebotomist, I can only surmise that his ancestors have a great deal of pull with St. Francis of Assisi. I believe the only reason he's still here is that I have too much blood invested in the relationship so far.

I call him a Basgle because it rhymes with Nazgûl from the Lord of the Rings trilogy; I sometimes think he's related to them.


[Stargzer is convinced that dogs are four-footed, furry, two-year-olds with a touch of autism, ADD, and ODD. All the same, they're better than some people he knows.]

[Stargzer]

Groundhogs are also known as "whistlepigs" ....

Are you sure you're not talking about prairie dogs. they are small and whistle and stand guard, ground hogs are huge lumbering badger-like critters that do not seem to speak at all, at least not those that live in my backyard, but perhaps people in Texas think their tiny cute prairie dogs are AKA
ground hogs.

Yep, I'm sure. The language is taken from the linked Wikipedia article (the second link).

I first read Eberhart's poem "The Groundhog" (the first link) on a College Board English Achievement Test about 1968 or 1969 and was instantly enamored of it.

Slave, Basgles do come with cream cheese, but it's creamy goat cheese, will you take two? They are two for fifty cents.

Those accoutrements are knows as "shmeers" in Yiddish when used with those particular toroidal pastries.

[skinem]

An oldie...

A frog outgrew his lily pad and decided to make some home improvements. He didn't have the money, so he hopped to the bank for a loan. At the bank, he took a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explained his dilemma. "I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another window, but I don't have the cash. Can you lend me the money?" "Maybe," she said. "What can you offer as collateral?" "Well," said the frog. "All I have is this paperweight. You shake it up, and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?" "Hmm . . . I'll have to speak to my manager." She enters her manager's office.
"Mr. Bitterby, I've got a frog at my desk who wants to borrow money for lily pad improvements. But all he can offer for collateral is this glass paperweight." Mr. Bitterby took the paperweight, looked it over, and said, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

[Perry]

[skinem]

Bob Hill and his wife Betty were vacationing in Transylvania. Driving in a storm, they had a wreck. Both were hurt, especially Betty. So Bob carried her to a nearby farmhouse. A hunched man, Igor, answered the door, and called to his master, a scientist. The Hills were taken to the lab downstairs, where they were placed on tables. Despite the scientist's best efforts, both died. Disconsolate, the scientist went upstairs to play his piano. Igor, cleaning the lab, noticed that both Bob and Betty were moving. He ran upstairs. "Master, master," he exclaimed. "The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

[Stargzer]

Chan was a carver of teak-wood figures, called teaks, that he sold to tourists. One morning he noticed that some of his freshly carved teaks were missing. As he was getting on in years he thought that maybe he'd just misplaced them or forgotten that he'd sold them, so he attributed the loss to a failing memory.

The next morning he noticed that more were missing. To eliminate his memory as the problem he decided spread some sawdust on the floor that night so he could see whether it was his imagination or if someone really was breaking into his workshop at night.

Sure enough, the next morning he saw the footprints of a small boy in the sawdust. This was too much for him to bear. All of the neighborhood children had always been friendly to him, and he was deeply depressed that one of them would treat him so.

That night he stayed in the workshop, hidden behind a pile of teak lumber, determined to catch the young rapscallion in the act. Sometime after midnight he heard the door to the workshop opening. In the dim moonlight he saw not a young boy but a young bear come in, walking on its hind legs. The bear went over to the workbench and gathered up a bunch of teak-wood carvings and headed back to the door. As he did so Chan noticed that the bear was wearing something on his paws that left behind the footprints of a young boy instead of a bear's paw-prints. As the bear reached the door Chan sprang from his hiding place and shouted, "Ho, boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan!"

[skinem]

On his way to work, a driver swerved to avoid a box that fell from a truck. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
But another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen retrieved the box and found that it contained tacks. "Nonetheless," the first trooper told the driver, "I have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked why. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

[skinem]

Did you hear about the veterinarian who was barred from performing surgery because of his poor record? The police busted him for attempting to operate on a sick bird. But the case was thrown out on a technicality: It was an ill eagle surgeon seizure!

[Perry]

[Slava]

Okay, I'll bite, what's the bird? I'm especially intrigued as the beak turns up, not down. I'd expect a predator to have a down-turning beak, to rip the flesh.

Here's a baldy: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... -USFWS.jpg

[Stargzer]

Okay, I'll bite, what's the bird? I'm especially intrigued as the beak turns up, not down. I'd expect a predator to have a down-turning beak, to rip the flesh.

Some quick detective work found this link and this one.

Here's a baldy: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... -USFWS.jpg

Based on what he once said his nickname is at the dojo, that's just how I imagined Perry looked.

[Slava]

Thanks, Stargzer. I get it now. I thought the bird was a type of eagle. Now I see it's a smiley face in reaction to the pun. Pretty wild emoticons we have here, eh?

[Bailey]

An oldie...

A frog outgrew his lily pad and decided to make some home improvements. He didn't have the money, so he hopped to the bank for a loan. At the bank, he took a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explained his dilemma. "I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another window, but I don't have the cash. Can you lend me the money?" "Maybe," she said. "What can you offer as collateral?" "Well," said the frog. "All I have is this paperweight. You shake it up, and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?" "Hmm . . . I'll have to speak to my manager." She enters her manager's office.
"Mr. Bitterby, I've got a frog at my desk who wants to borrow money for lily pad improvements. But all he can offer for collateral is this glass paperweight." Mr. Bitterby took the paperweight, looked it over, and said, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

you missed the part where his Dad is Mick Jagger, then it goes:
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."