Pun Times

[Slava]

you missed the part where his Dad is Mick Jagger, then it goes:
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

You know, I can see the resemblance between Mick and a frog at times. Especially now that he's a tad on the not-so-young side.

[skinem]

There was a documentary on TV last night about members of a religious order who spend all their time playing stringed musical instruments. So I've written to complain that there's too much sects and violins on TV these days.

[skinem]

The U.S. mint decided to issue a 50-cent piece. It even enlisted the public in choosing a design. It put the designs on its site to let the public vote. Each design featured a different American patriot. Two designs tied. One featured Nathan Hale; the other, Theodore Roosevelt. So, the mint decided to put one on each side of the coin. That way, when the coin is tossed, you can just call out Teds or Hales!

[Stargzer]

... there's too much sects and violins on TV these days.

That reminds me of sophomore (I think it was) Theology (Religion) class in high school. We were kind of a rowdy class and Fr. Jude decided to clamp down on us, delivering lectures which we were supposed to copy furiously. As it turns out, this day we were about to learn about the Essenes, but we managed to put our own stamp upon things.

Fr. Jude: "Today's lecture is entitled Jewish Sex and Parties."

Us: "FATHER JUDE!"

Fr. Jude, in a firm, angry voice: "It's spelled S-E-C-T-S!"

[skinem]

Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?
They will be for people who love meat tender.

[Slava]

Ah, yes, good ol' Elvis the Pelvis. Let's not forget his brother Enis

[Perry]

Ooo Slava. Do we need to send you to the "wanton" topic?

[Slava]

Ooo Slava. Do we need to send you to the "wanton" topic?

Ah, there is life out there. I was wondering when someone might chime in. Aye, a tad wanton, but at least it got a rise out of someone. Where is everybody? I feel we've been a tad moribund for the last couple of weeks.

[Perry]

I know that I have been missing in action (and even know why - too busy trying to find employment). I don't know where the other usual suspects have been hiding.

[Slava]

Now Perry, don't be using such big words, even if this is a word site. "Employment"? That sounds scary. Is it something like a ploy you use to get money somehow? That would be nice.

[Perry]

[Slava]

There are many jokes of this kind out there, here's one:

How to tell a weasel from a stoat - 'one is weasily recognized, the other is stoatally different'.

Along the same lines, we have:

How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neak up on him.
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way.

Anyone have more to share?

[Perry Lassiter]

This is pretty degrading, but:
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Ether.
Ether who?
Ether Bunny, knock, kn; w t?
Nuvva,
Nuvva who?
Nuvva Ether Bunny, kk; wt?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nuvva Ether bunny, kk, wt?
Arnie?
Arnie who?
Arnie you glad this is the last E B?

OK, you asked for it!

[Philip Hudson]

This forum seems to major on puns but I have a non-pun joke and Slava steered me here. This is a low-key joke so it may not suit everybody. My jokes often get booed. My skin it thick.

Once a man came before a judge with the request for a name change. The judge asked him his name. He replied, "Joe Shagnasty". The judge readily admitted that he would entertain a name change and asked Mr. Shagnasty what he wanted his new name to be. Shagnasty replied, "Bob Shagnasty". "Why?" asked the judge in surprise. Shagnasty replied, "I am tired of people greeting me with 'What'cha know, Joe?’ "

[Slava]

Sounds like Joe needs a carpet steamer. Good one in my book.