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Westernized Haiku


Haiku Windows Alerts


Did you ever wonder how Windows and Internet popup alerts would sound had they been written by the Japanese, the source of haunting Haiku poetry? Well, we consider it an important issue. So, we are grateful that someone went to the trouble of suggesting an answer to that important question.

EPHEMERAL
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

DEATH
Windows has crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

IMPERFECTION
Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

404
This site has moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

SAILING
This crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a perfect boat anchor.

VALLEY
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software cannot bridge.

WINDOWS
Yesterday it worked.
Today, it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Author: Randy

Redneck Haiku


We are sure you have always wondered what if haiku were written by people like Andry Griffin and the Dukes of Hazard. Now, there is an issue that comes up every day in our lives. Again, we are fortunate that Paul Ogden found someone sensitive enough to explore this question and below are the results of their musings.


BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps.

REMORSE
A painful sadness
Big screen TV refused entry
By double-wide's front door.

OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Disability now takes on
An inviting glow.

MOTHER AND CHILD
Crusted in boogers,
Stained with Kool-Aid, baby with face
Only Mama loves.

BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Verne's been mowing with
Moonshine again.

A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers in the ground;
Guess we'll gig some frogs.

EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Left by afternoon rain.

ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files fer
Restraining order.

DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you're my sister.

HATRED
I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
Hot-dang Jeff Gordon.

OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Robert Tilton.

DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
Starts at 9 O'Clock.

DEPRIVED
In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants rasslin' doll
Mama whups his butt..

NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; the satellite dish
needs new descrambler.

IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars and
That cyclone fence
Keeps me frommy El Camino.

GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and RC Cola.

PRIDE
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans that
Fill his pickup bed.

From the prodigious collection of Paul Ogden

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