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Alphadictionary.com

Original Limericks Written by our Readers


alphaDictionary is now publishing limericks from our readers. If you are a limerick composer, you may submit your work via our contact page. All limericks must have a strict rhyme pattern: AABBA, regular limerick accent pattern (anapestic), and all must be G-rated.

Four Originals from Frances Wessel

There once was a vicar from Ealing
Who thought cobwebs were very appealing.
Said his wife with a sigh,
"I wish you could fly;
You could sweep them all off of the ceiling."

There was a young person whose weight
Was no more than three stone and pounds eight.
Said she with a smile,
"Cottage cheese is my style,
Cream buns and lasagne I hate."

A golden-eyed tree-frog from Mali
Fell in love with a swamp-bat from Bali,
said the frog to the bat,
"I like your new hat,
It looks like a painting by Dali."

There was a young person from Brent,
Who to a large prison was sent,
And as sentence was passed,
She screamed out, "Someone grassed!
'T'weren't stolen, ah swear, i' was lent!"


Four More Originals from Ellen Paul and her Friend Lilly

There once was a man named Brice
Who had a nasty head full lice
He said, "If I eat 'em,
Then I'll have beat 'em!
And besides they taste very nice."
—Ellen

There once was a lady named Ellen
And she so detested watermelon.
She said, "This is crap!"
And she gave it slap And so to the garbage it fell in.
—Lilly & Ellen

There once was a Mr. Blowers
Who brought his dear wife some flowers
She said, 'Let me see!'
and got stung by a bee
And he's been in the doghouse for hours
—Ellen

I once fell in love with a blond
But found that she wasn't so fond
Of my pet turtle named Odle,
whom I'd taught how to Yodel
So she dumped him outside in the pond
—Lilly


MORE ORIGINALS!

There Once was a man from Nantucket
Who liked to pick corn and then shuck it.
And when he was done
He'd stick out his thumb
and Toss all the corn in a bucket.
—Written by Justin Ranson

An engineer in Heeswijk-Dinther
Was thoroughly fed up with winter
With Spring on his mind
He sat down and designed
A gadget to 3D-print her
—Written by Mireille Marcelis

There was a young hooker from Meising
Whose measurements were very surprising
Her figure so bold
Was just stuffing, I'm told:
She was busted for false advertising.
—Written by Robb Shaffer

There was a young man from Manhattan
Who tried his hard hat to flatten
He gave up the task,
Took a swig from his flask,
And took the ferry to the island of Staten.
—Written by Robb Shaffer

There once was a musical hobo
Who strung four strings on his oboe.
Said he, "With these strings,
This thing really sings!
I both blow and bow on my oboe."
—Written by Dave Reckoning

There once was a maid from Madras
Who possessed a magnificent ass.
Neither round or pink,
As some might think,
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.
—Written by R. Avakian



In order to know where you are,
The best way's to find the North Star.
Two stars in Big Bear
Are pointing to where
Polaris in the Small Bear shines far.
—Written by Israel "Izzy" Cohen

Around the Pole Star in his tail swings
The 12 constellations in grand rings.
This looking at bears
(If anyone cares)
Is why we say "getting our bearings".
—Written by Israel "Izzy" Cohen