Faulty Definition from a Dictionary

Housework: Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.

Author: Unknown / Contributor: Dr. Beard

A DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN

Argument
(ar*gyou*ment):n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead
(er*head): n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a Police Officer.

Bar-be-que
(bar*bi*q): n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up - but he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes
(blond joks):n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe
(kant*e*lope):n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer
(kloze dri*yer):n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda
(dy*it so*da):n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity
(e*ter*ni*tee):n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise
(ex*er*siz): v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list
(grow*ser*ee list): n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair dresser
(hare dres*er): n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware store
(hard*war stor): n. Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth
(child*brth): n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "focus....breathe...push..."

Lipstick
(lip*stik): n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park
(park): v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience
(pa*shens): n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof mascara
(wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah): n. Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day
(val*en*tinez dae): n. A day when you have dreams of a candle light dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Author: Unknown / Contributor: John Masher

Instructions

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
Do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"!!

Author: Unknown / Contributor: John Masher

Sayings

Home is where you hang your @

The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the earth.

A chat has nine lives.

Don't byte off more than you can view.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

There's no place like http://www.home.com

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Author: Unknown / Contributor: Susan Lister