Comity

[Dr. Goodword]

• comity •

Pronunciation: kah-mê-ti • Hear it!

Part of Speech: Noun, mass (No plural)

Meaning: 1. Mutual respect, courtesy, civility, social harmony. 2. A community of nations based on common self-interests and mutual respect. 3. The avoidance by one religious denomination of proselytizing members of other denominations.

Notes: Comity is a lovely word for "courtesy" and "mutual respect". It is a lexical orphan. It is related, via Latin, to the phrase posse comitatus "(an) escorted power", origin of the English word posse.

In Play: Comity may arise between individuals: "Negotiations proceed faster and more smoothly in an atmosphere of comity." It just as often connect nations: "The American-Canadian comity has led Canadians into many wars, even those that a majority of Canadians oppose."

Word History: Today's Good Word is the English remake of Latin comitas "courtesy, kindness, friendliness", from comis "courteous, kind, friendly". Our best guess is that Proto-Latin created this word from PIE smei- "laugh, smile" by adding the prefix co(m)- "(together) with" to smi-, the combining form of smei-, which produced cosmi-. This word was later simplified to comis. English converted the original PIE word into both smile and, with an R suffix, to smirk. Russian smeyat'sya "to laugh" and Latvian smiêt "smile" also evolved from the same PIE word.

[Pattie]

Oh, Dr G, this word brought tears to my eyes. There is so little comity in our sad world!

[Gene Engene]

It does make me wonder at the third meaning listed, which seems so opposite to the first two. By what linguistic twisting could it have acquired such an association? Perhaps by such avoidance, to avert the possibility of a complete loss of comity, which can only exist in the absence of any association? That seems to suggest the fragmentation we also see in much of our society.

[damoge]

I, too, was struck by the third definition.
However, after the third try, I think perhaps the message there is one of respect.
Don't filch from your neighbor-- his person or beliefs. Respect everyone's right to believe or not as they see fit.
It would be an act of comity, avoiding disunity.
Let us expand the idea to politics as well.
Let each see the world as they choose, but let us choose to find a place where we can see similar vistas.
No?

[Gene Engene]

I think so - at least, up to a point. Choosing such a place, or agreeing on it, may well be easy enough, if the 'place' is generic enough. Unfortunately, the very mention of the word 'politics' is often enough to set more than few people's teeth on edge, as the saying goes. It seems a lot of people are more outspoken about that, now, having come to some kind of realization that, by being silent, they have allowed a more vocal crowd, with which they disagree, to become more influential than they think is fair. It takes a lot of patience to find common ground with some, who make assumptions about someone's 'beliefs', based on what part of town they live in.The necessary thing is to respond neutrally, try to defuse the situation before a match ever gets struck. It wasn't my original intention, but being able to say 'I'm a registered Independent' has often completely ended any discussion, at least partly because the other party didn't know it was possible to do that. One other did get a bit huffy, with "Whyd y' wanna do THAT?" which let me at least say I thought both major parties were going off in different directions, and they were both wrong. That led into a reasonably calm conversation for a few minutes, that was interrupted, and never rejoined. So - it is possible - evidenced in no small degree by the number of recent imigrees, of many different religions, apart from Muslim, HIndu, Christian, and Hebrew, who have taken up residence all over the country, and are getting along just fine with their new neighbors, who often never ask the question. They take it as an individual's private choice, and don't proselytize. How they deal with those who knock on their door and offer "literature" I couldn't say.

[damoge]

The "place" that I find most often in this new approach of mine, is the weather.
We can usually agree that the weather is weird.
That is enough.
No need to get into climate change!!
Human contact, no hot topics, no immediate fear/anger triggered.

[Gene Engene]

Simple enough, for sure. Depending on circumstances, another 'place' is vehicles - how they like what they're driving, how it runs, gas mileage, any 'deal' they might have gotten - trade-in, brand new, and/or maintenance, self, or dealer required, how many miles are on it, driving distance to work (when and if they are working) - lots of space in that territory. And, I suppose, generic family questions, about any children is usually ok, especially if you've seen them at times.
And work, business, self-employed ... might have to be careful with that. It can lead into the economy, which can turn political pretty quickly, but it's fairly easy to dodge by agreeing that it's 'pretty rough' these days. Though you'd have to be ready to dodge again, if it turns toward "why is that?" Lots of different opinions around that.