What is funny about that?

How Older Kids Put It

Paul Ogden, a major contributor to our language fun pages, sent this list in without comment. It is another of those lists that make a round of the e-mails then evaporates. The author is A. Nonymus so we don't know exactly where they come from—or even if they are legitimate. However, we think these lines are so characteristic of the struggles young people to acquire vocabulary that they should be preserved on this website. You might recognize a few that were previously on this page but are now combined with the new ones below.
  1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
  2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
  3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
  4. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
  5. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
  6. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
  7. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
  8. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  9. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  10. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  11. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
  12. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  13. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
  14. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
  15. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
  16. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. he also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
  17. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  18. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
  19. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
  20. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  21. When St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.
  22. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.