The Philosophy of Words

(So to Speak)
  • Why isn't phonetics spelled phonetically?
  • Why are there Braille signs at the drive-through windows at the bank?
  • If a deaf kid swears, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
  • What's another word for synonym?
  • Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?
  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
  • Is it possible to be "totally partial?"
  • Would a fly that loses its wings be called a "walk?"
  • If a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • If people can have triplets and quadruplets why not singlets and doublets?
  • Is Atheism a non-prophet organization.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where is the self-help section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Why don't you ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  • If flying is so safe, why is the airport called 'terminal'?

Authors: Some are from George Carlin and Stephen Wright; others are unknown
Contributors: Wanda Wilson & John Masher

Return to Joke Directory