Slips of the Ear

Man looking quizzically twards his earMany jokes are based on slips of the tongue. People often forget that ears, too, are fallible and they make slips that are often as funny as those our tongues make. This page will collect and chronicle slips of the ear. If you know any more, please share them with us.

Three old guys are out walking. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
—Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

A friend of mine bought a new hearing-aid. Then he began hearing a clicking in his car engine. He took it to the dealer and asked about it. He and a mechanic took it for a test drive but the clicking didn't occur. My friend said, "It's more pronounced when you turn." They made a turn and he exclaimed, "There! Did you hear it?" The mechanic said, "You mean the turn signal?" (True story.) —Dr. Goodword

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