Saturday
Saturday
The world expert on European wasps was strolling past a record shop. A sign caught his eye: "New Album - Wasps of the World!" The man asked to hear the album and was given headphones. Three minutes later, he announced, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognize none of those." The clerk offered to play another track. And another. And another. Still, the expert did not hear sounds he recognized. Suddenly, the clerk realized his mistake. "I'm really sorry," he said. "I was playing you the bee side."
- Slava
- Great Grand Panjandrum
- Posts: 8146
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:31 am
- Location: Finger Lakes, NY
Re: Saturday
Shall we play the ghostly snake side for puns?"I was playing you the bee side."
Life is like playing chess with chessmen who each have thoughts and feelings and motives of their own.
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- Great Grand Panjandrum
- Posts: 2578
- Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:56 pm
- Location: Crownsville, MD
AHA! You have mastered the understanding of The Pun! You will fit in well here with this band of linguistic miscreants!That was funny!
Regards//Larry
"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them."
-- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee
"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them."
-- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee
Saturday
A professor was teaching an introductory anatomy class. One day, he announced, "Today I will be lecturing on the contents of the abdomen. We will take a close look at the liver, pancreas, spleen, duodenum, jejunum, kidneys, ileum, adrenal glands and other structures." Just then, a student shouted, "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an organ recital!"
Saturday
A man was married and happy, but he had one complaint. His wife was always nursing sick birds. One day, he came home to find a robin coughing in the living room. In the dining room, a bluebird had its wing in a sling. He went to the kitchen, where he found his wife cuddling a half-frozen bird. "We've got to get these #*@#! birds out of here," he yelled. Replied his wife, "Please, dear, no bad language in front of the chilled wren."
Saturday
A sailor was caught as he tried to sneak aboard his ship at 3 a.m. The officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning, or it's the brig for you!" As the sailor began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor picked the tern off and tossed it aside. The bird returned to the broom handle, and was once again tossed aside. Through the night, the bird and sailor continued their struggle. At dawn, the officer returned. "What in the heck have you been doing all night?" he barked. "This chain is no cleaner than when you started!" "Honest, sir," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
- Slava
- Great Grand Panjandrum
- Posts: 8146
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:31 am
- Location: Finger Lakes, NY
Re: Saturday
Does this make him a tosser?"I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
Life is like playing chess with chessmen who each have thoughts and feelings and motives of their own.
Saturday +1
A clown moved into an apartment building for circus performers. He was quite happy with the apartment. But he had one complaint: There was no ironing board. The clown called the building superintendent to ask for an ironing board. The superintendent refused to provide one. "But, the acrobats and the lion tamers all have ironing boards," said the clown. "You'll have to use the window ledge," said the superintendent. "It's in your lease. Every clown has a sill for ironing."
Saturday
Assyria had been at war with the Hittites for years. And king Ozymandias was low on cash. But he had one valuable possession left. It was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond of the ancient world. He decided to take it to the pawnbroker for a loan. The pawnbroker offered Ozymandias 100,000 dinars. Ozymandias was deeply offended, "I paid a million dinars for it. Don't you know that I'm the king?" The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, it makes no difference who you are."
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